God has always been a big part of my life. Bring born into a devoted Christian family, Christian habits such as prayer, quiet time and attending church every Sunday were instilled in me since I was a kid. My parents were also heavily involved in leading and serving the church. Thus, they set an example of how I should also serve in church as I grew. Worship was already a big part of my life. Until now, I have not missed a Sunday (unless I was sick). I first prayed the Sinners’ Prayer when I was seven years old: I acknowledge I am a sinner, and I am willing to turn away from sin. I also receive Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour. However, even with such a strong Christian support, I still sinned in many ways. Furthermore, many of these habits worsened as I entered adolescence.
Looking back, the biggest changes happened between primary and secondary school. The influences of friends, along with my own desires, steered me away from my parents’ advice and the lessons learnt in church. I started to swear, lie and got into superficial relationships for the thrill of it. Daily quiet times became inconsistent. Even when I did them, they were hurried and shallow. As I reflect on my journey, I witness how God is patient to those who are spiritually distant from him.
Pastor often mentioned how “Christians” could still be distant from God. Back then, however, it never occurred to me that I could be one of them since I attended church and prayer meeting every week. I believed I was doing just enough to qualify as a Christian. I used that as a justification to focus on my other hobbies and passions. God then used several incidents to challenge my attitude and thinking. This caused me to reflect on myself and my decisions.
In my fifth month of junior college, a hard-hit softball struck me directly in my left eye. For the next week, the swelling left me unable to see. I feared I would lose my vision permanently. Prior to this incident, I was incredibly stress-free and happy. All I thought about was having fun at school and playing games with friends. But when I realised I couldn’t feel half my face, fear overcame me. I feared being visually impaired. I feared surgical complications. I feared having a contorted facial structure. In all these, I turned to the Lord and prayed that it would all go smoothly and that my health would be restored. Eventually, by God’s grace, all was well and I recovered fully. I thank the Lord for humbling me and steering me towards him when life got too comfortable. I learnt not to forget God and his blessings whenever it came.
In my last month of JC on the eve of my A levels, I contracted Influenza A. I was unwell for a week full of papers. This was said to be the hardest week of the entire examination season. I became extremely downcast. I had worked tirelessly for months for this examination. I could not afford to be unwell during such a crucial period in my life since the results of these papers would determine my university course, and consequently my future. I prayed for a swift and easy recovery so that I would be well enough to do the papers. I only recovered, however, on the following week. Disappointed in my underperformance, I prayed and asked for patience and wisdom that I would do better in the following papers. I tried to put the first week of the exams behind me. My pastor, possibly sensing my aguish, approached me after service the following Sunday and reassured me that somehow, this God given influenza A is all a part of his plan.
I found comfort in Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Acknowledging that everything that happens is by God’s plan and design helped me make peace with the fact that I was not at my best while doing the papers. For this, I thank God for being involved in my life and steering me towards his purpose. Eventually, I still scored better than expected and got into the course of my choice. But now I learnt to not lean on my own understanding when attempting to achieve a goal, but to do everything in God’s favour so that he can use me to do his will. I thank God for His guidance in my life. I desire to be used by the Lord to do His work. I pray also that I would stand firm in my faith in times of hardship or when I am tempted.