I am reminded by the author that the heart is the control centre of life. A person’s life mirrors his heart. Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”, and, Mark7:21-23, “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come – sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.” The heart is a well from which all the issues of life gush forth. The behaviour a person exhibits is an expression of the overflow of the heart. The heart determines behaviour.

What our child says and does is a reflection of what is in the heart. Luke 6:45 corroborate this fact – “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” These passages are instructions for the task of child rearing. They teach that one’s behaviour is not the basic issue but rather the heart, which is the control centre of life.

Many a time we are inclined to correct our child’s behavior without addressing the root cause of such behaviour. Just addressing and correcting a child’s behaviour, is like treating the manifestation of an illness without addressing the root cause of it. Behaviour becomes our focus when it irritates and thus calls attention to address behaviour. We often think that we have succeeded in addressing the issue when we have changed the child’s unacceptable behaviour that you sanction and can appreciate.

However, our child’s needs are more profound than his aberrant behaviour. By just treating the behaviour, we see the tip of the iceberg but not the iceberg. Remember, there is a cause for his behaviour. His behaviour – what he says and does – reflects his heart. To really help our child, we must be concerned for the attitudes of the heart which drive his behaviour.

A change in behaviour that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable. It is condemnable, so says the author, if we address a child’s behaviour without addressing the heart that drives his behaviour. We would then have missed the mark of child- rearing. We must help our child understand how his straying heart has caused wrong behaviour. How has his refusal to know, trust and obey God resulted in wrong actions and speech? All behaviour is linked to some attitude of the heart. Understanding how our heart works will work wonders in discipline. It makes the heart the issue, and not just the behaviour. It focuses our attention on the cause of, rather than, on changed behaviour. The point for confrontation is what is happening in the heart. Our concern is to unmask a child’s sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. This is a perfect opportunity to share the gospel. That leads to the cross of Christ. It underscores the need for a Saviour. It provides opportunities to show the glory of God who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin.

Therefore, discipline must address the attitudes of the heart. We must learn to work from the behaviour you see to the heart. This exposes the problems in the heart. In short, we must learn to engage our children and not just reprove them. Behaviour is heart-driven. Therefore, correction, discipline and training in all parenting, must address the problems in the child’s heart. That is why parenting is primarily concerned with shepherding the heart.