The development years of a child are critical as the character of a child develops during that period. The author terms shaping influences which mould a person’s character. “Shaping influences are those events and circumstances in a child’s development years that prove to be catalyst for making the person he is. However, the shaping is not automatic, the ways a child responds to these events and circumstances determine the effect they have upon him.” Family life, values, roles, conflict resolution, response to failure and history are all shaping influences.

The following constitute the structure of family life: the number of parents living together with two or three generations, parenting roles structure, number of siblings or only child, relationship between siblings and how distant or close in age, abilities, interest and personality. For example, if you are the only child in the family, you will receive more attention from parents. When you are married and your husband does not show that kind of attention that you receive from your parents, you may feel that you are not being loved by your husband.

Family values are things which are important to the parents. What is worth a fuss or what passes without notice? Are people more important than things? Do parents get more stressed over a hole in the school uniform or a fight between classmates? What philosophies and ideas has the child heard? Are children to be seen and not heard in the home? What are the spoken and non-spoken rules of family life? Where does God fit into family life? Is life centered on knowing and loving God or is the family in a different orbit? What is important is that we must impart principles based on the bible rather than based on human traditions and the basic principles of the world. Colossians 2:8 says: “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.”

Within the family structure, each family member plays a role. Some fathers are involved in every aspect of the family life. Other fathers are busy and distant from family activities. Subtle things like who pays the bills or who makes family appointments say much about family roles.

Anyone who does marriage counselling can testify to the power of family influence in problem-solving. Does the family know how to talk about their problems? Do they resolve things or do they simply walk away? Are problems solved by biblical principles or by asserting power? Do the members of the family use non-verbal signals like buying a dozen of roses to resolve a conflict? Proverbs 12:15-16 says: “The way of a fool seems right to him but a wise man listens to advice. A fool shows his annoyance at once but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” A child is trained to be a fool or a prudent wise man by the shaping influence of the home.

Family response to failure is reflected in how parents deal with their children’s failure. Are they mocked by their failures? Does any family member amuse himself at the expense of other family members? Whether the child has known credible commendations or carping criticism or the mix of those things will be a powerful shaping influence of his life.

Although these factors shape a child’s character, we need to realize that the child’s heart is more critical than whether the child responds appropriately. A child may turn out be rebellious even though we may provide the best environment that shape a child’s character. The child may choose to disobey and make sinful choices. We must always focus on the child’s heart as it is from his heart that comes out the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”