Although discipline is important, the author stresses equal importance on how we carry out our discipline.

Sadly, many parents have not thought through methodology for discipline. They just get mad and yell. When they have “had it up to here,” they threaten, holler, hit their kids and grow increasingly frustrated. Sometimes, this is done in the name of biblical discipline. After all, they don’t want to be permissive parents with ill-disciplined children. When challenged, they often respond with “My Dad yelled at me, he used to knock me around once in a while, I didn’t like it but I turned out alright.”

What has this parent done? He has unquestionably accepted and employed the same method of child rearing his parents used. He has not assessed whether it was biblical. He has not assessed whether it had a good impact on him. He has simply drawn from his survival the implication that it was not that it was not that bad.   In this example, the “I didn’t turn out so bad” was confrontational and abusive. Many parents unquestionably employ whatever methods their parents employed. When they discipline their kids, they are simply echoing their parents’ words or tone. Where do these unbiblical methods take us? What kind of fruit do they yield? While the author has discussed several different approaches, they all lead to the same problem. They lead to superficial parenting, rather than shepherding the hearts of our children. They only address behaviour. Hence, they miss the point of biblical discipline.

Biblical discipline addresses the behaviour through addressing the heart. Remember, the heart determines behaviour. If you address the heart biblically, the behaviour will be impacted.

The expediency of dealing with behaviour rather than the heart means that deep needs within the child are ignored. You cannot respond to Susan yelling at Jimmy by simply asking her to stop yelling. The problem is not that she is yelling at her brother. The problem is the anger and bitterness in her heart that her yelling expresses. If you only try to change the behaviour, you are missing the real issue – her heart. If you can successfully deal with the real issue, the behaviour problem will be solved.

Superficial parenting never addresses the heart but biblically produces superficial children who do not understand what makes them tick. They must be trained in understanding and interpreting their behaviour in terms of motivation of the heart. If they never have that training they will drift through life never understanding the internal struggles that lie beneath their most consistent behaviour.

If you address only the behaviour in your children, you never get to the cross of Christ. It is impossible to get from pre-occupation with behaviour to the gospel. The gospel is not a message about doing new things. It is a message about being a new creature. It speaks to people as broken, fallen sinners who are in need of a new heart. God has given us His son to make us new creatures. God does open heart surgery, not a face-lift. He produces change from the inside out. He rejects the man who fasts twice a week and accepts the sinner who cries for mercy.

Remember, God is not only concerned with the “what” of parenting; he is equally concerned with the “how.” Biblical discipline that addresses the heart requires on-going discussion. It requires assessing what is going on inside the child. It requires patient instruction and entreaty. It is only when we address the issues from the child’s heart that the issues are resolved. Addressing the behaviour is superficial and if done incorrectly, will further lead the child in the wrong path without addressing the real issues from the heart.