Pastoral Letters

Reaping rewards from failures and disappointments

October 20, 2019 Author:Elder Liu Kerh Li
A mathematics question in the PSLE this year once again created a heated discussion. Some parents were unhappy with this highly difficult question—because they could not solve the question, they would lose confidence and feel like a failure. This in turn would affect their overall performance in the remaining subjects. It is understandable that these parents voice out for their child. The children have worked in the months leading up to the PSLE. They then lose confidence in taking examinations because of a difficult question. The children would inevitably be distressed. As a parent, we sometimes do not wish our child to encounter things that would cause them to feel sad or discouraged. If possible, parents would try their very best to shield our child from setbacks. On the one hand, we fear that frequent setbacks would cause them to lose confidence. On the other hand, we hope that the child’s life would be smooth-sailing, and trouble free. But truth is, we all know that live is filled with challenges and tears, and we would all agree that “failure is the mother of all successes.” Hence, our effort to protect our child in from all forms of trouble is fact taking away opportunities of being trained. What’s worse is that  we had unknowingly instilled in the child wrong values: failure is bad; failure leads to total destruction; failure is a result of someone’s fault (inability to solve a question is due to the fault of the Ministry of Education which had set the question too difficult); the best way to solve a difficulty is escapism; a dejected person is a weakling.

To help a child face failures and disappointments correctly, we must first have a right perspective of failure and disappointment. One thing is certain: Christians are not spared failures and disappointments. If not, the psalmist would not be found crying out to and lamenting before God. In the midst of their struggles, however, the psalmist knew how to bring their sufferings before God. Although they do not know as to when their sufferings would end, they were assured that God would be there to help them. “Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. You are God my stronghold.  Why have you rejected me? Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God” (Psalms 43:1-5). We cannot be spared from life’s struggles and disappointments, be it a child or an adult. Also, as a parent, we are all powerful who could be everywhere to protect our child. We could, however, come before God to pour out our hearts sorrows and grievances. Parents could lead their child to rely on God in during disappointments, and pray and read Gods Word together. Through such times, we could interact with our children and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. This is a good opportunity for children to experience God.

Sometimes our failures and disappointments are the result of our mistakes. “Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your panelled houses, while this house remains a ruin?” Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it” (Haggai 1:4-6). In the time of the prophet Haggai, the Israelites neglected the re-building of the Holy Temple. They cared only about their wealth and needs. God brought into their lives troubles. Every failure or disappointment is a good opportunity for self-examination. Our feelings of failure could be something perceived but that does not exist. Our failures could also be a result of laziness. Out of love for our child, parents could do a self-examination with the child.

Lastly, we should understand that the struggles in life are teachers sent by God, in order benefit us. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). The “all things” to which Paul refers here includes all kinds of sufferings. The greatest failures or the worst kind of disappointments are actually one of the means by which God’s children receive benefits! May the Lord give us a humble and teachable heart to learn, and may we be a good spiritual example for our children!