Just recently, WikiLeaks released secret American cables. These cables contained private discussions between political leaders. Many of these leaks revealed diplomats’ embarrassingly frank assessments of world leaders. Singapore Ministry of Foreign Affairs also joined the world in voicing its disapproval over such an act as it can destroy relationships between countries. A spokesman wisely remarked that “in particular, the selective release of documents, especially when taken out of context, will only serve to sow confusion and fail to provide a complete picture of the important issues that were being discussed in the strictest of confidentiality” (The Straits Times, 1^st December 2010). Basically, WikiLeaks was carrying tales.

In the same way, when we carry tales about others, it destroys relationships. Let me give you an example of tale bearing. In your conversation with your colleague, he commented that Mr Lim was rude to Mr Wong. You then repeat that remark to Mr Lim. This is what Proverbs thinks about you: “A dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends” (Prov 16:28).

But you say: “I am just stating a fact!” Proverbs, however, thinks that you are a dishonest man who is out to create strife between people. You are evil because you may have purposely taken that remark out of context. You are right that if your friend was just gossiping, he is wrong. But in that case, you should have rebuked him for gossiping. But it could also be that when your friend told you about Mr Lim’s rude behaviour, there was a valid reason. Perhaps he was discussing with you if Mr Lim would be the right man for a particular post. But when you told Mr Lim about his comment on his behaviour, Mr Lim who did not know the context would understand your friend as being unkind.

At any rate, we should not gossip or carry tales about others. Let us learn to say things that are edifying. This includes not just words of encouragement but also words that are not pleasant but needful, such as words of correction or rebuke spoken in love and with a gentle spirit. If you have nothing good to say, it is also wise to keep quiet (Prov 17:28).

What if someone tells you about how another person has mistreated him? If he has been hurt, we provide comfort and encouragement. You should, however, also be a peace maker and encourage him to be reconciled with that person. Furthermore, it is important for you and him to understand that it could also be a misunderstanding. This is as Proverbs wisely counsels that “the one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him” (Prov 18:17). It is so important to understand that we could have been mistaken. Just as you would not want someone to wrongly accuse you, do not be so quick to come to a conclusion about another person. Be kind and gracious. Neither he nor you are perfect. Such rash actions will only wreck the precious fellowship between Christians. At the same time, it would be better if the person who has been grieved to speak to the one who has caused him hurt. In this way, we can prevent misunderstanding and avoid the sin of gossiping. If you are wrong, be humble. Apologise and change. If you have been misunderstood, clarify and you as the accuser, let us learn to be gracious and forgiving. We are brothers and sisters in God’s family. Let’s learn to love each other sincerely.